Before I went to bed last night….

I tend to turn on music (radio, CD, mp3 player) before I go to bed. Either I or my mother has done this for as long as I can remember. Last night (or, more accurately, yesterday at 5am or something), I started to go to bed and turned on the radio — then this neat, albeit creepy little song came on:

 

…and for the duration, until it slipped into Geneva Jacuzzi, I was taken out of my room, all other sensations were relieved of me but Eros’s touch, hands, breath, all possible sights set to focus on His familiar face, hair, wings….

After it finished, I got up to find out what it was (bless you WCBN) and then this led me to their MySpace. That song has since ear-wormed me for a significant portion of the last twenty-four.

Boeotian New Year is upon me, and my dreams are getting weird….

So, this December 17th marks the Boeotian New Year (see here for the semblance of a reconstructed / new Boeotian calendar I managed to concoct), and reading a brief summary of a friend’s dream about Apollon jogged my memory of the weird things my brain threw at me last night.

In my dream, I was discussing with Eros a potential Boeotian New Year party, but the idea was still pretty much in embryo and I’d set nothing concrete. But Eros, being who he is, took it upon Himself to send out invitations to all of my friends for a party. The two weeks pass, and I really didn’t think much more of the idea of a party, since I have friends who host a pretty sweet Gregorian calendar New Year party, and that’s only two weeks after Boeotian New Year observances, so I didn’t think chances were high that anybody I could invite would come for an extra party.

…but no, the day of the party, I’m getting out of the shower for Gay Night at the club, and people have arrived for a party — while I’m in a towel, the apartment a mess, no snacks, etc…. I apologised for the misunderstanding, and invited them to come out with me, instead, and then more people show up. And then more. Then still more. And it was getting rather ridiculous, and many of them getting angry with me — some even accusing me of “having no piety at all” and just jerking my friends around.

But Eros wasn’t angry. He said that he thought he told me, and more importantly, he thought I had spoken of concrete plans and not just an idea I had thought about doing maybe. At some point, it became very clear to Him and myself that He was the only one the who wasn’t angry, so we locked ourselves in my room and performed a simple ritual with an offering of wine and fruit and performed divinations for the coming year until everybody had left.

Just in case you were curious…

I have *many* notebooks, paper notebooks, mostly those speckled, thread-bound “Composition Book” notebooks, filled with Eros, Erote, Apollon, Adonis, and related-religious stuff. About one-quarter to one-third of the contents of these notebooks is coherent poetry, some of it is even something that I would consider good (and I’ve turned being my own worst critic into an art). Maybe one-fifth of the content is ritual outlines and/or draft versions of rit that I swear I will polish up, one of these days. Between fifteen and twenty percent are re-written mythos, including draft versions.

The remaining 30-45% of this content?

Very incoherent!

It’s a mish-mash of half-thoughts, waking dreams, hastily jotted-down “gnosis”-like bits, and so forth. I have a separate dream journal that I have worked out a “system” for, and can totally decipher, if asked to by nosy friends who sometimes go through the books I attempt to hastily conceal under my bed. I’m not talking about my dream journal. Sometimes, I’ll scry or burn bay or get into a quasi-meditative state and wind up jotting down whatever weird shit comes into my head; that’s what I’m talking about. Sometimes, I’ll just be going about my day, maybe I’m in the shower, maybe I’m making my own dinner, and suddenly get a thought that I just somehow “know” has to be logged in this indecipherable system of notebooks (and these notebooks haven’t much in the way of a coherent system), and this thought must get written down, even if I end up dragging soapy water all through the apartment, even if I burn my food, because this is something that has to get logged, no matter how “trivial” (less than two lines), no matter how “crazy” (seemingly unconnected words, speedily drawn flow-charts that suddenly make not one bit of sense two minutes after I jot it down, three-to-ten word phrases repeated for several lines and then stopped with a completely different line written once…); that’s what I’m talking about.

I know that there are people who, upon seeing this stuff, may very well question my sanity. I am well-aware of this. In fact, it is there mere existence of these notebooks, specifically that whole third of them (possibly more) that ends up reading like the literary equivalent of a Genesis P-Orridge sound project or a Yoko Ono experimental film anthology, that I take great offense on certain Hellenic e-mail lists to people misjudge my practise by my tendencies to resort to hard-nosed and often pedantic degrees of logic in threads and claim that “[I'm] not a mystic”. I need these long tirades of logic, reason, and pedantic academia to balance all of the weird shit that bounces around my head throughout my days; I thouroughly believe in this logic, or else it wouldn’t be the logic I use in these threads, but at the same time, I also acknowledge that there are things going on in the “spiritual part of my brain” (for lack of a better descriptive) that I don’t completely understand the mechanics behind. I haven’t had any injuries or prolonged periods of lacking oxygen, nor do I have a sort of seizure disorder that can easily explain these occurrences as a mild degree of brain damage. I have been tested for and lack the typical neurochemical imbalances commonly associated with schizophrenic or schizotypal disorders. In fact, the scans I went through as a teenager seem to indicate that my brain, biologically speaking, is relatively normal. My current knowledge thus suggests to me that these experiences are, to at least some degree, mystical in nature, and I just don’t know how to interpret what any of this means.

So, in the meantime, I write casual essays and articles and re-written mythos and I share that with the Hellenic community on-line. I know what to make of these pieces. I understand where it comes from, and I know what it all means two minutes after I write it down.

If you have any interest in trying to help me make sense of what this remaining 1/3 of my notebooks mean, you can now feel free to contact me at the e-mail address I’ve provided here. Please be prepared to explain to me why you are qualified to decipher this brain-spew; also, be warned, that I’m very poor (on disability allowance for physical reasons) and it is not worth your time to try and swindle me.

From the Dream Journal

I’m not sure what city I was in, but that’s unimportant.  I start out walking along the pavement with this guy I sort of know in what appears to be one of those older, formerly Middle Class areas of a city like Chicago — the houses are all rather tall and almost all of them have these wrought iron gates.  Then there’s this HUGE house.  Did I say HUGE?  Make that HUGE house.  It’s up on this hill and has this HUGE front garden with fountains.

We stop in front of it to look at this garden and the gates open so, curious, we step in an only after we’ve stepped in, we see all of these “people”, whom neither of us saw as we were just standing out on the pavement looking inward.  Most of them look to be in this ambiguous sort of 25-40 age range, most of them fit, but there are maybe three or four who are really skinny and about the same number who are really fat.  All of them are wearing sparse clothing, like ancient tunics and tropical sarongs, all in really elaborate patterns.  They don’t really seem to be paying us much mind at first, and are just merrily gallivanting about.

I remember this garden rather vividly, even after being up for a few hours.  There are a lot of almond blossom trees that are flowering, several lilacs trees, a few elaborately trimmed evergreen shrubs with the branches sort of woven into spirals.  I recall a bunch of rose bushes, some of them pruned into miniature trees, but most of them not, and I noted a bunch of fuschias.

To get to the house atop the hill, there’s this really elaborate layout of steps.  almost all of the steps have some kind of elaborate mosaic that looks rather Graeco-Roman.  I remember remarking to my companion that a few of the figures in the mosaics included Dionysos, Apollon, Eros, Hermaphroditos, Hyakinthos, Adonis, several zodiac symbols, and some writing that I either couldn’t read or don’t remember right now.

The house itself is also oddly elaborate.  It looks kind of like a cross between a Victorian octagonal house and a sort of ancient Graeco-Roman stadium.  There are grape vines and rose vines growing up around a lot of columns places around the house to create a sort of “hanging garden” appearance; the house is at least three stories high and the columns go up about two and a half stories with connector beams placed at even-spaces heights in about three or four tiers.  Ivy is growing up the house itself.

The doors are just wide open, so we walk right in and on either side of the entry foyer is a reproduction of the Praxiteles Eros, and there’s a really pretty fountain, the base of which appears to be all glass except for some discreet copper piping that you can see through the glass.  A woman rushes over to us and announces frantically that “they” have been expecting us.  In a sort of Rocky Horror kind of fashion, we’re stripped down and redressed in some elaborately embroidered linen tunics, and we’re ushered into this hallway.

In the hallway, the walls and floor and ceiling are decorated in similarly elaborate (gawd, I wish I could think of another word right now) mosaics to the steps outside.  Oil lamp sconces are places pretty high up the walls at even intervals of about a couple yards each; high up enough to keep from getting knocked into, but low enough to provide adequate light.  We seem to be heading rather gradually upward, it’s not very steep, but when we get to the end, there’s this HUGE room; it’s got to be about an acre in area, at least, probably more.  There’s a very shallow pool about a few feet in; very shallow, only about two inches deep itself, but the water doesn’t get more than maybe half an inch deep.  There are steps that water seems to be flowing down.  The steps are about deep enough for an adult to comfortably sit on.

The the top of these steps, twelve or thirteen of them, if this huge sort of”window-box” shrine.  It’s about four feet high and three feet deep into the wall.  People have left all sorts of things there: small statuettes, bouquets of flowers, baskets of fruits, candles, hand-written pieces, and in the wall at the back inside of this “window box” is a stained glass sort of mosaic of Eros, Apollon, Adonis, and Aphrodite, and it’s illuminated in the back.  On the steps are sitting and reclining and laying on their bellies several people (about seven to ten each of men and women), but about twice as many statues.

I crawl up the stairs and sit in front of the shrine, almost exactly in front of the illuminated picture.  I beg my companion to come up and sit with me, as he’s stayed back before the pool.  After much pleading and arm-waving, he starts up.  Just as our fingers are about to touch, I wake up.