If you find this hard (or impossible) to read (or access with blind-and-low-vision equipment), here’s a C&P:
Me: Confession: About six years ago, I started transitioning from female to male. Every single friend I lost was from the goth scene. I can’t even blame the whole “maybe it’s just a quirk of my local scene” thing that sometimes people can fall back on. Some of these ex-friends were from supposed “diversity hotbeds”, like Los Angeles, San Francisco, and NYC. An old friend from L.A. even discovered my transition on his own (he and I had been out of contact for a few years) and sent me several nastygrams dictating to me how fucked-up I supposedly am cos of this and how he seems to know my gender better than i do. After that, I actively started distancing myself from the Goth scene. I now literally laugh out loud every time some-one proclaims that Goths are somehow universally GBLT-friendly, cos in my experience, that’s just not true —transitioning would have been a lot easier on me if it was.
Moderator: First off, congratulations on discovering your identity and what your gender truly is. Secondly, I am sorry, and ashamed of the goth community near you, for the pain you have suffered.
I will not lie, there is hate everywhere… in abundance. No group of people, no matter how much they claim otherwise, is without hate and prejudice. But, be of good cheer, there ARE goths out here in the world who DO try to practice a hate free life. Many of us are RIGHT here in Goth Confessions. We realize that NO person, male, female or otherwise, is without flaws, quirks, sadness,uniqueness, oddity and, in the happier vein, no person is without personal challenges and strengths that makes them who and what they are.
I have had some Goths who would look down on me because I have a bum leg and use a cane and I have horrid teeth (I know this is no where near your trials and tribulations, but read on for the point I wish to make) but I could care less what they think of me or my differences. My TRUE friends (of which there are few) love and accept me for what and who I am.
And that is the crux of the matter, Dear One. Your TRUE friends will always love and accept you NO MATTER WHAT. So, let me be the first to extend my hand to yours and say to you, “I will be your true friend, if you will let me.” I love you. No matter what. And ALL Goths should follow suit.
(My older sister is a lesbian, she is married to her life long love and has been so for over 25 years. Hate against the LGBT community will NOT be tolerated by me.)
So, to my closest friends, it’s no secret that I’ve been interested in the Mod Revival scene since my late teens, it’s just for a lot of reasons, I’ve been more of a goth. Even within the Mod scene, I’ve struck people as more of a Goth with strong Mod influences (and in recent years, Goths consider me more Mod —go figure), and I generally long for the Australian Swampie scene to have been something that really took off. But it was around then, and for those reasons, that I really made a conscious effort to gravitate from one scene to the other. I sent this thing to Goth Confessions on Tumblurgh some time last week, and it was posted almost instantly —some people have been waiting weeks for their shit to get posted.
I mean, as nice as it is that the moderator who responded and posted this wants to offer condolences and make it clear he’s not like that, what part of ‘I can’t even blame the whole “maybe it’s just a quirk of my local scene” thing that sometimes people can fall back on,’ is hard to understand? I’m also kind of insulted by the whole ‘..congratulations on discovering your identity and what your gender truly is,’ bit. It’s… kind of patronising; infantilising. Especially considering that I’d already said I’m six years in-transition; considering even the other impoverished trans people I’ve known, that’s pretty far along, and the second part of that statement, along with the inattentive comparison to his lesbian sister, just kind of demonstrates a fundamental lacking knowledge of how trans people *typically* operate.
Don’t get me wrong, I think I needed my defences to be brought down (especially as 2012 was the OWOT swan song) and get back into this, and the intent is clear and well-received, but if some-one is going to pour their heart out like that, and you want to make an effort to respond, it might help to actually pay attention to what they’ve just said, first and foremost. I stated very clearly, that this had NOTHING to do with the “local scene” to me at the time; it was a clear pattern repeated between people who frequently lived hundreds of miles apart and didn’t even know each-other.