It’s an old article, and maybe not technically “twoo Hewwenic Wecunstwuctionism” (in a sec…), but I liked it, and thought I’d share:

Neolithic Kypriots apparently domesticated the cat before Egypt —or, rather, Neolithic Far Mediterranean settlers to Kyprus, which we should all know by now was destined to be Hellenised.

It certainly does seem an intriguing coincidence that Kyprus is the location of the oldest known example of feline domestication, is the birthplace of Aphrodite (and Adonis), and cats —in modern Western symbolism (with the most likely known source being Egypt’s fertility goddess, Baast)— tend to represent sexuality —typically feminine sexuality.

I therefore posit that cats are Aphrodite’s little fascist jerk-holes, given to us by the Goddess Herself to treat us like crap, ruin our furniture, and yet be somehow so entertaining and endearing that even after creating the technology to blast them all into space, we sent our closest genetic relatives out there, first. Clearly, we’re been duped by the fairest of the Kyprian Goddesses into Her worship —some of the most humiliating, I might add— by giving man cats.

For once, I think Mediaeval Christianity may have been on to something.

Chunk, giving us her Evil Eye